October 2026

So, how exactly will you spend the $5,000 Trump Dividend, aka Bribe, we were all promised if the Republicans won both the House and the Senate in the upcoming elections on November 3rd?  I’m sure lots of alert readers (ARs) and others have been asking each other this question ever since the President made this promise at the GOP midterm convention in Dallas on September 9 and 10.

These same ARs have probably also been asking who would come up with the $1.2 trillion necessary to honor this promise.  Without answering their question directly Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick told NBC News that American taxpayers would not have to pay any of it.

In my case the decision on how to spend at least part of the bribe has already been made for me because my car uses diesel fuel.  When I bought the car 13 years and 97,000 miles ago, I thought I might be saving money on fuel.  Whoops.  When I filled up recently diesel fuel cost $2.70 more per gallon than regular gasoline. In other words filling my car’s tank now costs $48 more than what drivers of cars that use regular gasoline consider exorbitant.

Another option for spending my bribe has been international travel.  One of the advantages of being in my late 70s is that I now have more time to explore the world. This summer my wife and I visited three countries on three continents that had all been subjected to punitive tariffs. (These were presumably among the funding sources Secretary Lutnick had in mind when he said the cost of the $1.2 trillion bribes would not be borne by American taxpayers.)

The first country we visited this summer was Brazil, where Trump’s friend Jair Bolsonaro had been convicted of plotting a coup to overthrow the government.  Calling Bolsonaro’s trial a “witch hunt,”  Trump imposed a 50% tariff on goods imported from Brazil, thereby raising the price of  the coffee some ARs drink at breakfast.

The second country we visited was South Korea, which had incurred Trump’s wrath for “insulting” Kim Jong Un, the dictator of North Korea, whom Trump has described as a “good guy” with whom he has a “ very good relationship.”  The South Koreans we met did not consider the thug who had committed multiple crimes against humanity a “good guy.”  Nor did they understand why “insulting” him warranted a 25% tariff on their products.

The third country we visited  was Canada, which had irritated Trump by resisting his demand that it become the 51st state.  After derisively referring to Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney as  “Governor,”  Trump imposed tariffs of 50% on products imported from what he said would soon be the state governed by Carney.

Ironically, my wife and I were still in Canada (the Vancouver, BC airport to be precise) when we saw a sign welcoming us to The United States.  We had just gone through U.S. Immigration (while still in Canada) when we saw the sign that featured a large picture of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis.  Not only were we being treated as if we were already back in the USA; it was like being back home in St. Louis.  Our Gateway to the West was being portrayed as the Gateway to The United States.

Welcome to Saint Louis in Vancouver, BC

After we returned to St. Louis, televised sporting events offered us multiple other options for spending our Trump Dividends by betting on various athletic outcomes. ARs will recall that sports betting had initially been promoted to Missouri voters as a means of funding public education with significant funding also to combat gambling addiction.

In the fiscal year ending July 31, 2026 $2.5 billion was legally bet on sports in Missouri.  Of that amount $3.2 million, slightly more than one tenth of one percent, ended up going to the state’s education fund; and $636,166, approximately one fortieth of one percent, went to The Compulsive Gaming Prevention Fund.

Given that such a minuscule fraction of the revenues generated by sports betting is actually going to education or gambling prevention, I have another idea.  Why not give some of it to beer drinkers?  My informal observation of beer drinkers with cellphones has confirmed that hundreds of millions of dollars wagered on sports  come from beer drinkers.  Maybe even more.  Since the money isn’t being used for the purposes that were initially announced—education and prevention of compulsive gambling—why not return it in the form of a rebate to the portion of the population that generated such a significant portion of the funds?

In addition to betting on sports, so called “prediction markets” offer lots of other options for placing wagers, including the upcoming elections.  I won’t be taking advantage of any of these opportunities.  I agree with Yogi Berra that it’s hard to make predictions, especially about the future.

That said, I’m prepared to go on record now with a prediction in which I have total confidence.  Whatever the outcome of the midterm elections, no ARs or anyone else will ever receive a dime of the $5,000 Trump Dividends we were promised in Dallas.

Tom Schlafly

Chairman