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It was about 120 days ago that a very large brewery (VLB) announced a policy of waiting 120 days before paying its vendors. In other words, anyone who provided goods or services to the VLB in March could expect to be paid in July. Not surprisingly, this announcement was not well received by the VLB’s vendors, some of whom were quite outspoken in their criticism of the VLB and its Brazilian executives.
This was not the first time that gringos have failed to appreciate the relaxed concept of time that prevails in the largest country in Latin America. Back in 1865 Professor and Mrs. Louis Agassiz set sail from New York to Brazil. Six years later they published an account of their experiences titled A Journey in Brazil. Referring to the “languorous pace of life in Brazil,” Mrs. Agassiz noted that, unlike Americans, “few Brazilians adhere to time schedules. Most seem to hold on to an amanha attitude, that ‘tomorrow is better than today.’” With the benefit of hindsight 138 years later, it now seems that the disgruntled vendors of today would have been well advised to read this informative book before doing business with the VLB.
This incident illustrates the importance of understanding other cultures in an era of increased globalization. For the benefit of alert readers (ARs) who are too busy for extensive reading on every country in the world, I’m pleased to offer a synopsis of European culture that I learned from a man named Max over 30 years ago. Max, who was one of my clients when I practiced law on more of a full time basis than I do now, was a native of Vienna who had skedaddled out of Austria in the 1930s, one goose step ahead of Hitler and the Anschluss. As was his wont, he explained the differences among different nationalities in the form of a joke.
According to Max, heaven was a delightful place with Swiss managers. The police were English; the chefs were French; there were German mechanics; and the lovers were Italian. Hell, on the other hand, was managed by Italians. The police were German; the chefs were English; the mechanics were French; and the lovers were Swiss.
 Ouch. Being of Swiss descent, I have taken considerable umbrage for the past three decades over this slur on my countrymen and their alleged lack of romantic sensibilities. No longer. Several months ago–back when some of the VLB’s suppliers were delivering the goods and performing the services for which they’re about to be paid–there was a story in the news about a Swiss gigolo named Helg Sgarbi. Without in any way condoning Herr Sgarbi’s execrable conduct, I would simply note for the record that this Swiss banker, who had trained as a lawyer, was such an accomplished lover that he was paid $9 million by Germany’s richest woman, a BMW heiress named Susanne Klatten.
There are other ways in which Switzerland has recently shown itself to be a wild and crazy nation. Former St. Louisan Tina Turner, who is still regarded as one of the hottest women on the planet, has chosen to live on Lake Zurich. Rock star Marilyn Manson, whom few would accuse of being staid or conventional, is a huge fan of absinthe from Kallnach, which is only 25 miles from Steinhof, the village where my great grandfather August Schlafly was born in 1850. Switzerland can even claim its own rapper: Andres Andrekson, whose stage name is Stress.
Closer to home, Bob Schott is an AR whose Swiss heritage overlaps with mine. His ancestors, like the Schlaflys, settled in New Helvetia, Illinois (now known as Highland) after immigrating to America. Among the many reasons I’m indebted to Bob the AR is his recent gift to me of a book that has deepened my understanding of French culture. Sixty Million Frenchmen Can’t Be Wrong is chock full of insights and confirms one of the stereotypes in Max’s joke. The French really do take their food very seriously and may well provide the chefs for heaven’s kitchen.
This stereotype gets further confirmation in a recent study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation & Development. Among the members of the OECD, which consists of 30 industrialized nations, the French devote the most time to eating and drinking–two hours and 15 minutes per day on average. The United States ranks third from the bottom at one hour and 14 minutes per day. Belgium, which did not warrant mention in Max’s joke, ranks fifth in the OECD study, with the average Belgian spending one hour and 49 minutes per day eating and drinking.
Although the Belgians don’t spend as much time eating and drinking as the French, I consider them the most knowledgeable beer connoisseurs in Europe. I have not visited any other European country that offers such a wide assortment of indigenous beers. Moreover, unlike some countries, the availability of different styles of beer in Belgium tends not to be limited by region. Most styles of Belgian beer seem to be available throughout the country.
A good time to taste some of these beers would be July 21st, the national holiday. Among the places I can personally recommend for doing so is the town the French call Louvain and the Flemish call Leuven. It’s the home of one of the oldest universities in Europe (founded in 1426) and the headquarters of the VLB (which was founded 60 years earlier). The backstreets are full of lots of charming cafes and bistros, but a word of caution is in order. Despite the proximity and influence of the VLB, you won’t be able to wait 120 days before paying for your beer.
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