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January 26, 2009 marks the beginning of the Chinese Year of the Ox, making this as good a time as any to consider Journey to the West, an important classical novel in the Chinese literary canon of which I became aware during my recent trip to China. The book, which was published in the 1590s during the Ming Dynasty, is a fictionalized account of Xuanzang’s famous pilgrimage during the Tang Dynasty. He took off from Chang’an, China in 629 and headed for India, where he visited some important Buddhist pilgrimage sites and studied at the ancient university in Nalanda. He returned to Chang’an 17 years later in 646 and began spreading the wisdom he had learned in the West. Journey to the West, which was written nearly a millennium later, is noted for its lengthy, rambling and convoluted narrative, a style that I have been accused of emulating on a smaller scale in this column.
When people in China are celebrating New Year’s Day, it will still be January 25th in St. Louis, meaning we’ll be celebrating the 250th birthday of Robert Burns. Alert readers (ARs) and others who come to our Burns’ Night celebration may notice a new sartorial accoutrement on my part, a birthday gift from the Friday Night Regulars at The Tap Room that I’ll acknowledge later in this column.
Five days earlier, on January 20th, there will be an even bigger celebration in Washington, DC, with the inauguration of Barack Obama as president and Joe Biden as vice president. Among the many firsts for which Obama is noteworthy are 1) being the first U.S. president to be featured on a Schlafly T-shirt (prior to the election we were even-handed in printing both Baracktoberfest and Palin Ale shirts); and 2) being the first U.S. president to autograph a Schlafly T-shirt (if anyone knows Sarah Palin well enough to get her to sign a Palin Ale shirt, please let me know, so we can display both shirts together).
As far as I know, the last time Palin was anywhere near The Tap Room was on October 2nd, when she debated Joe Biden, who famously ridiculed her (and Dick Cheney) for not knowing that the role of the executive branch of the federal government, including the office of vice president, was defined by Article I of the United States Constitution. The only problem with this statement is that Article I of the Constitution in fact defines the role of the legislative branch of the government, in which Biden has served for the past 36 years.
 For those who might wonder how a seasoned senator could make such a fundamental error I can provide an explanation. Biden didn't have Neil Huber's help during the debate. For the benefit of those who don't know who Neil Huber is, he's a lawyer in my firm who graduated from Syracuse University Law School in 1968, in the same class as Joe Biden. More than four decades ago Neil gave Joe an outline for a course in legal history, as a result of which Biden got the highest grade in his law school career. Following the vice presidential debate in St. Louis, Neil made a point of telling me he had not tutored Biden for their class in constitutional law, in which the differences among the three branches of government would have been taught.
While Joe Biden owes Neil Huber a debt of gratitude for helping him get through law school, I would be remiss if I didn’t express my tremendous gratitude to everyone who made the belated celebration of my 60th birthday such a marvelous occasion. ARs may recall from an earlier column that my birthday was on October 28th. Because I was in China at the time, the official celebration was deferred for three weeks, until November 18th. A lot of people put a lot of energy and creativity into making the party special and memorable. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to acknowledge all of them. In order to do the best I can in light of my failing memory and the confusion of the evening (I received some gifts with no identifying tags; found some tags not attached to gifts; and discovered that at least one gift was purloined), I’m going invoke the most useful phrase I learned in three years of law school and thank a lot of people, including but not limited to:
The anonymous donors who gave me the envelopes from Swift Printing Company, which used to be at 2100 Locust Street; the map of Arizona showing all the shuffleboard courts I’ll want to visit in my retirement; the hanging Christmas ornament with T-O-M spelled out; the flashlight that attaches to the brim of a cap; the colorful Clydesdale card; the limerick about flamingos; the poster of blues legends; the birthday haiku; “A Time in St. Louis” ad the poem purportedly by Frosty and the Iambs from the Priory class of 1966.
I also received communications that were thoughtful, witty or both from: Karen & Leo Hodapp (custom made card); Tony Brescia (poem in German worthy of Schiller or Goethe); Frank Robbins (nice letter); Candy, Christine & Joe (personalized card); Matt & Tim (note on the back of a napkin); Dave & Joyce Shimamoto (card that may have been detached from gift); Danielle Lee (scientific chart explaining how a biologist became a beer connoisseur); Gladys & John Cramer & Friends (nice card); Laura Cohen & Confluence Greenway (photograph of me eating a giant turkey leg at the Old Chain of Rocks Bridge); Charles & Sally Kopman (clever poem); Wendi & Jeff King (witty limerick); Stuart Yancey (another limerick); Otto the Brewer (several limericks that were collectively epic in scope); Friday Afternoon Regulars (”Schlafly the Beerman” to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”); Carole Scheiber (clever sonnet); Mark & Nancy Schwartz (photographs including one of their dog Schlafly Schwartz); William T. Scherer (his resume); Lewis Reed (proclamation from the Board of Aldermen); and Al Hunt (song written on an air sickness bag during a flight to St. Louis).
Additional presents for which I’m very grateful came from: Judy & Ray Gruender (package of essentials for old age, such as stool softeners); Friday Afternoon Regulars (authentic sporran for Burns Night); Kate Barnidge (tickets to see her team of roller girls); Brian Fitz (original artwork depicting a glass of beer); Robyn Schrager (knitted wrap for beer glass); Al Hunt (Notre Dame cap autographed by coach Charlie Weis and poster autographed by several famous college coaches); Scot Smelser (Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac); Ann Weidemann (personalized table puppet of yours truly in a packet of goodies from Shining Rivers School); Stephen & Sarah Hale (handsome, monogrammed pewter beer mug); Jack Handy (hand carved heart); Henry Herbst (varsity letter from McBride High School, whose athletic program I enhanced 43 years ago by playing on a soccer team that lost to the Micks by a score of 10-0); Karen Newman (hand crafted candle in a SIP Club mug); Keir Haug (”Verdict” board game and offer to work for Schlafly Beer); Sarah Frost (book of Samuel Johnson’s insults); Piia Hanson (Thanksgiving coffee blend); Greg Campbell (12-pack of the last batch of Michelob brewed before InBev took over Anheuser-Busch, which gift was removed by an unidentified attendee on the night of the party); Gary Woodcock (keychain commemorating Anheuser-Busch’s brewing 10 million barrels in 1964); Unidentified Schlafly Employees (subscription to Lapham’s Quarterly); Schlafly Sales Team (personalized one-liter beer mug); St. Louis Public Library Employees (library coffee mug full of goodies); Schlafly Brewers (case of signed bottles of special reserve beers); Dana Moats (Jack Daniel’s gift bag, including a bottle I’ve shared with others and a cap I haven’t); Steve & Patty Dowd (huge pencil with which to write my next book); Nik Moon (Baby Beat Generation Anthology in French and English); Heidi Schoen (molasses cookies, the first gift to disappear completely); Tom Restoff & Greg Lannius (original artistic collage portraying me as the new beer king of St. Louis); and Paul Casey (another original artwork depicting Schlafly Beer eclipsing its rivals).
The biggest news of the day, at least in the opinion of a local TV station that sent a camera crew to The Tap Room that night, was not my birthday but rather the consummation of InBev’s purchase of Anheuser-Busch. Sixteen years, ten months and 23 days after we first opened for business, Schlafly was now the largest locally owned brewery in St. Louis. We attained that status in less time than it took Xuanzang to bring Buddhism to China.
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